A drink and a chat

Discussing ya literature on skype while drinking a class of wine  is like the greatest thing in the world.

Snow

I’m not going to lie: I really hope the public library calls a snow day tomorrow.  Not because I think we have a lot of snow.  Oh no.  Only because I know the drive there is going to be one icy hell.

On the plus side, I thought I had to write a paper by Saturday night, but today in class, the teacher announced the date was moved to next week.

FML

All day long, I’ve just wanted to go out for a drink tonight. Just one drink.  You know, socialize before the snow dusting that will inevitably shut down St. Louis since the city doesn’t believe in salt or plows.

So it was quite logical for me to fall asleep on the couch for three hours.

February thus far:

• Three days of driving, three near-accidents.  None my fault.  Between people blowing through lights, eating french fries instead of looking at the road, and general road rage, I’m sure something wants me dead.
• Name tags don’t work with five-year-olds.  They always try to eat them.
• I need an army of single female friends to go out on the town with.  Like a month ago.

Untitled

Here’s what I learned tonight:

• Life is all about the unplanned moments and taking chances.  Cliche, yes.  True, yes.  Otherwise it is boring, and then you’re boring and no one likes you.
• You need to suck the poison out of your life or it will kill you.
• Judge, judgy, judge judge! I’m fuckin’ over it.
• When all else fails, just go to a sex toy party and follow it up with dancing. Order the gin and tonics tall.  Watch the girl dance like Elaine from Seinfeld.  And guess what?  Life is good.
• You know it is a good night when there is a Michael Jackson dance off.
• Plans are for the idiots and the insecure.

I do not look 17

Last Saturday, I volunteered to do alumni interviews for my undergraduate university. I dressed nice and got my ass out to the suburbs for the early morning fun.  I walked into the meeting room and checked in with the person in charge.

Me:  Hi, I’m here to do interviews.

Middle-aged alumni lady: All applicants need to wait outside.

Me: Um, I’m asking the questions not answering.  I already went there.

Whaaaaa?

Drama

I’m going to start this post with a drawing.

You are the red line.  The other colored lines represent all worldly influences.  TV news, friends, surprises, the unexpected.  The point is that when the world is all over the place, the only thing you can control is yourself.  And thus you will be fine if you keep an even approach to life.

The problem with “being happy” is that sometimes it’s boring when everyone and their brother has some self-created life drama (and in some rare cases, they really got the shit end of life by chance).

That’s where I’m at.  I’m bored, but I don’t want to start making drama for myself.  At the same point, I’m not a boring person.  I’m just looking for “good surprises.”  I guess they wouldn’t really be surprises if I’m looking for them.  I mean within a week of graduating college, I never life wasn’t a constant ball of excitement.

So I’m going to go to bed and chalk this all up to two things:

1. It’s January and I haven’t seen the sun in a week.  Everything is gray.  Including my shoes.
2. People are idiots. FOR REALS.

Situation

The word “situation” is ruined for me.  Thanks “Jersey Shore!”

I was at lunch with a friend, and this adorable one-year old boy toddles over to us.  He’s being cute and flirting.  Then he lifts his shirt to show his little chubby tummy.  To which I say to his father, “Looks like we got a situation here.”  And the dad totally understood the reference.

I have a mean left hook

I think I said this before, but I’m saying it again.  The next person I know to get engaged is going to get punched in the face.  I don’t care if I like you or support your blessed union.  Right in the kisser. POW!

Leap Year

It’s not often I see a rom-com that I like, and I’m almost ashamed to admit that I really like “Leap Year.”

Here’s the gist of it:  If you force your toolish beau into marriage, you’re going to miss the passion with the Irish rogue.

Clearly the movie doesn’t get into the logistics of international marriage, and it severely misjudges the distance from Dingle to the Cliffs of Moher (Five minute walk?  Try a three hour drive.)  Also Dingle isn’t some remote unpopulated fishing town.  They have buses, ATMs and phones.  Suck on that one Hollywood.